Throughout the majority of my life, I have struggled with self love. I want you to know me more and learn about me, the real me.
I was always active trying out for sport teams in high school, AAU, and running the farm. Although I considered myself active, I ate pretty much whatever I wanted and then some. I had an unhealthy relationship with food. It was comfort to me.
I was raised in a home with a lot of moving parts. My parents divorced when I was 2. My mother went her way and my dad went his. I can remember for most my life spending it with my dear Nana. My mom remarried and along came my brother and my dad remarried when I was 4 and along came my second brother. I moved a lot with my mother where I was lost in a sea of new schools and new places along with complicated family matters that were never discussed. I remember feeling safe in the food pantry and found security in eating.
Finding Where I Belong
When junior high and high school came around, I had a hard time finding where I belonged. I wanted to do everything, be friends with everyone, and pretend like nothing was wrong. I knew I was heavier & bigger than all my friends, but I pretended like it didn’t bother me. Sadly, I definitely didn’t care enough to focus on my nutrition.
I remember buying hydroxcut at Wal-Mart, trying to gag myself in bathrooms. Also, I tried starving myself for a few meals thinking I could take the “easy” road. Right out of high school I made some really foolish decisions. Those consequences made me grow up even more so than I had to as a kid and face the decisions I had made as MY OWN problems and not a result of my childhood.
I eventually quit college ball along with other sporting activities. Also, I learned more about myself during the following three months than I had in the 18 years of my life.
Throughout college, my relationship with food was better but still an issue. I tried to be more conscious of what I ate, all while working the night shift at a hospital. This was while I was in round one of nursing school (Yes… I said round one, more on this at a later date). I got bored with school and felt I needed to add something else. Later on, I started studying for my personal training certification. I trained hard and feel in love but the weight slowly came back on when I went to corporate world.
WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT I KNEW I NEEDED TO WORK BACK TO WHAT I LOVED. FITNESS.
However, I didn’t work out much and I focused on working as much as possible. I also ate as much as possible. I was over 200 pounds when I was full-term with KJ.
I started working out again when he was 8 weeks old. I lost the majority of my pregnancy weight but was still so unhappy.
Now, I’m taking care of a newborn, unhappy with me, working out but using my infant and not time as an excuse to overeat whenever I wanted. Although I was more active, still working out, my weight was all over the place. I blame Rootbeer Floats. HA!
After having KJ, I fell into a bit of a depression. I was heavier than I had ever been (207 when I got home from the hospital) overwhelmed with a new business, church callings, and other family obligations.
I remember breastfeeding KJ at 2 am, exhausted beyond the point I ever thought exhaustion was possible and in tears from the pain, frustration and disappointment. I told myself that enough was enough. I HAD to pull myself out of that dark place I was in.
Immediately my thoughts went to the birth of my son and tears began streaming down my cheeks and onto KJ’s forehead. I was determined and desperate all in the same moment to be as strong as I could be. I remember dark hospital room filled with the noise of the tv, nurses running in and out of the room, feeling something different–a special vibe. I was focused and prepared, yet apprehensive and terrified.
For the 3 hours following, I clinched the sheets as each contraction got stronger and stronger, breathing through each painful but yet one contraction closer to meeting my handsome little man and eventually there he was. As I relaxed and went through transition, I was, once again left mesmerized by the power that women possess. Every single one of us. Whether you have had a child or not.
The Special Moment
As I thought back on that special moment, it finally sunk in. How could I ever doubt the power that I have? The power within me! I felt weak, depressed, lost, and lonely as I used literally every ounce I had to care for my little man and serve others.
How would I lose this weight? How would I get my body back or have energy to workout? How would I be a good mother to my son?
I FOUND SOMETHING I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS MISSING, SOMETHING THAT WOULD CHANGE MY ENTIRE LIFE.
Every night I would find myself in the eyes of my son. The one thing that was draining me more than anything else in my life, at that time, was also fueling something so deep inside of me that I didn’t see it at first. Then when I did see it, it didn’t just fuel myself to change and improve every aspect of my life but also EVERY SINGLE MOTHER out there.
I was & am determined to share my story. To blog, talk, cry, teach, and learn. To have a place in this big internet world that women could come to and find that they weren’t alone. That life was hard and that was okay. That they could TRANSFORM themselves even after motherhood. That MOTHERHOOD could fuel their strength, their sexuality, their goals, and so much more.
I began eating modified to my likings while I breastfed and then ate strict after I was done breastfeeding. I knew the basics about clean eating. I learned a few things with my certification but I didn’t learn what I needed to eat to fuel my body or lose weight.
It was hard and I knew I could do it but wanted to enjoy the process not hate it! It took me almost a full year of patience, sweat, tears, and growth but I finally lost weight. I not only lost my baby weight but 50 pounds total. I found my voice to share my story.
I found so much joy talking with other moms and women face to face about the struggles of weight loss and the joys of making fitness goals that I began making fitness the center of my blog. It was a leap I wasn’t sure I was prepared to take. It made me way more vulnerable and transparent than I had ever thought I would be on my blog.
IT ALSO DID SOMETHING I HAD NEVER THOUGHT WOULD HAPPEN.
I was in tears every single night while I read stories of women who needed help, who needed a place to share, who didn’t know where to turn. I know now that fitness was the ONLY reason why I needed to start a blog in the first place. More about that later…
About a year after I had KJ, I decided to take my obsession to another level and put together my own program for moms just like me and needed an answer. (Find out more about it here:
The closest gym was about 35 minutes away and it didn’t have childcare. This was when I decided to use KJ as weights and incorporate him into my workouts. I found creative ways to workout and make it work for my family.
My followers loved the workouts and I loved sharing them. I made it more official and we came up with the Body Smart ~ Self Love and weekly playground workouts in the summer!
I FOUND A PASSION SHARING MY LOVE FOR WORKING OUT WITH KJ AND TRANSFORMING MY BODY.
Although mental and spiritual growth can occur during one’s fitness journey, for me, those aspects of my health weren’t put to the test until I had my son. I was safe in my life before. I was able to lose weight slowly and I thought that through weight loss I had found myself. Moreover, I didn’t have companies asking for me to model or news stations asking me to tell my story. Sadly, I didn’t even have other Instagrammers commenting on my feed, comparing my journey to theirs.
What I didn’t realize was just how hard it was going to be to share the real side of my life, the vulnerability, the transparency, and the plain cold hard truth! simplysadiejane.com/…/the-secret-to-that-motivation-youve-been-searching-for
Masking Insecurities, Self-Doubt And Pain
I pressed on, worked hard, masked a lot of insecurities, self-doubts, and pain, much like I had throughout my childhood. I continued to share tips on various topics, including finding that secret inspiration you’ve been aching for and my favorite quickfit workouts, but I also continued to struggle.
Throughout the past year, I have gained an awakened sense of self and shared a bit of that through some of my posts, such as >>>>>>>>> and this one on the best My Best Practices To Ease Anxiety & Depression.
THROUGH PIYO, Quiet TIME, AND A WHOLE LOT OF JESUS, I FOUND THE SELF-LOVE I HAD BEEN MISSING.
I remembered why I started sharing my journey in the first place. My goal was not to model for this company or that company. My goal was to HEAL and HELP as many mommas as possible. To share what I have learned through my own journey to lift women and support them.
A Never Ending Journey!
For now, that’s where my story ends. My journey will never be over. I have new goals and visions. I want to hug and hold every woman out there. I want to tell you that you CAN DO IT. That you ARE STRONG ENOUGH. That you are GOOD ENOUGH!
There is no “end goal” when talking about my fitness journey. It’s an everyday struggle, blessing, and fight. I share it all and I am grateful for it all. May we all find light and inspiration through sharing our journeys.